XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN
by MYHEARTFEELSDEADINSIDE
Summary: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
** Timmy: "Mr. Owl! I thought everything we had together was special! Don't leave me!"  
Mr. Owl: "I'm sorry, Timmy…but I'm wanted in the United States for being a Pedophile"  
Timmy: "But Mr. Owl! We have 28 kids in Mexico to take care of!"  
Mr. Owl: "Tell my _chicos_ , I only went out for beer."  
Timmy: sobs on Mr. Owl

One day in the Xiaolin Temple, Master Fung was staring into space. Dojo the dragon came into the room and entered up Master Fung's nostril out of boredom.

"Dojo" spoke Master Fung "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Nothing," replied Dojo "I'm just fucking around in your nose because I'm cool like that."

Suddenly Raimundo came into the room holding a can of steroids "Yo man!" he shouted, "No, I'M the cool one around here. Man, I'm so cool that I'd do myself all day long! Yeah, I am THAT cool! Beat that!"

"SHUT-UP!" screeched Dojo "I FUCKING SENSE A NEW _SHEN GONG WU_!" he pulled out a scroll and opened it "It's the _Forced Love Wu_ , it makes your enemy fall in love with the first thing it sees. It's shaped like Keanu Reeves, and you have to be careful that what your enemy sees ISN'T you. It's also great for parties and get-togethers, though it is somewhat creepy, (especially when I used it on my Uncle Tiamat and then he had his way with me…)"

Raimundo slowly backed away and Master Fung glared at Dojo.

Dojo cleared his throat nervously "Anyways! Raimundo, gather the others! We're going to Canada!"

"But the Wu is in Florida." Master Fung corrected.

"Right, right." Stuttered Dojo, "Right."

Minutes later, Omi, Kimiko, Clay, and Raimundo rode on the back of the now giant and flying Dojo heading to Florida.

"FUCK!" screeched Dojo, "A FUCKING BIRD CRASHED INTO MY LEFT EYE!" he squirmed throwing Clay off, "IT'S FUCKING PECKING INTO MY CORNEA!"

" _HOOOOOOOOOOLY_ _FUUUUUCK_!" screamed Clay, falling into the Atlantic Ocean.

"Clay!" screamed Kimiko " _CLAY_!"

" _Whaaaaaaaaat_!" yelled Clay.

"Oh fuck him!" said Dojo "He's fucked up!"

"I heard that, you giant one-eyed monster from Shit Land!" screamed Clay, throwing his lasso and catching onto Dojo's tail "I eat shit like you for breakfast!"

"AND LUNCH, AND DINNER!" laughed Dojo, crapping all over Clay and destroying Jamaica. "YOU LOVE SHIT, YOU SICK FUCK!"

"HEY! DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!" screamed Clay as he made an attempt to climb up the rope and back onto Dojo's back, but Dojo continued to crap all over Clay making his grip more difficult.

"FALL! YOU REDNECK HICK FUCKER!" screeched Dojo.

"HEY!" hollered Clay "YOU'RE MORE FUCKED UP THAN A DOG THAT HAS BEEN FUCKED BY ITS FATHER ON A HOT SUNNY DAY IN EL PASO, TEXAS!"

"FUCK YOU, _BROKEBACK_ FUCKER!" yelled Dojo. "I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!"

Many difficult hours later, the five finally made it to Florida and landed on a crowded beach.

"Okay, you basturds" muttered Dojo, throwing the four dragons onto the ground "The fucking Wu should be around here somewhere." He shrank back to his old gecko-sized self.

"HEY LOOSERS!" called out a familiar voice "THE _FORCED LOVE WU_ IS ALL MINE! HA, HA, HA!"

"Fuck!" said Clay, "It's that hog fucker, Jack Spicer!"

"Shit!" growled Raimundo "Not that fuck! He sold all my fucking beans into slavery!"

"But Rai" exclaimed Kimiko "You never had any beans to begin with!"

"Hey, fuck you! Japanese shit!"

"YEP, IT'S ME!" Jack laughed, flying on his helicopter-bot and holding up the _Forced Love_ Shen Gong Wu as Wuya the floating disembodied head looked on with a big and proud smile as Jack continued his speech, "JACK SPICER, EVIL BOY GENIUS, HAS GOTTEN THE ELUSIVE _FORCED LOVE WU_ BEFORE YOU DID! HA, HA, HA!"

"HEY!" shouted a beachgoer "HALLOWEEN IS FUCKING OVER, YOU FREAK!"

"HEY, FUCK YOU, MAN!" screamed Jack, shooting the finger. " _FORCED LOVE WU_!" he shouted, activating the _Shen Gong Wu_ , "HEY, RAIMUNDO!" he called deviously to him "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO AROUND WITH OMI! HA, HA!"

"SHIT!" Raimundo screamed as he ran for cover, "NO!" but it was too late! The _Forced Love Wu_ zapped Raimundo.

"Genius Jack!" cried Wuya happily "For once in your life, you did something smart, _bitch_!"

Jack smiled proudly. "HAVE FUN!" he wickedly laughed at Raimundo, and then he flew away.

"Raimundo!" cried Kimiko running to Raimundo's side, " _NOOO!_ "

"MUSTN'T LOOK AT ANYTHING!" cried Raimundo, keeping his eyes tightly shut. "GO AWAY!"

" _Noooooo_!" screamed Omi " _Raimundoooo!_ "

"STAY AWAY, YOU FUCKING ASIAN SHIT!" screeched Raimundo, "EVERYBODY STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"HEY _KIDS_!" shouted _Barney the dinosaur_ out of nowhere "WHO WANTS A HUG!"

"FUCK!" screamed Raimundo. " _BARNEY_ IS HERE! I MUSTN'T OPEN MY EYES!"

"I am, the ONE." spoke Neo from _The Matrix_ unexpectedly "All watch me flex my rippling biceps!"

"NO!" cried Raimundo "Neo is here, and I can't see him! _WHHHY!_ "

"I AM GOD!" said a loud and booming voice, "ALL BOW TO ME!"

" _Nooo_!" yelled Raimundo "GOD IS HERE AND I CAN'T SEE HIM!"

"Hey everybody." Said _Brittany Spears_ out of the blue, "I was swimming and I lost the top part of my bathing suit! Please help me find it!"

"Hey man," smiled Raimundo about to open his eyes "I can live with that!"

"Hey Clay" said Dojo starting up the argument again "Still like to eat SHIT!"

"Now listen here you fucking small one-eyed monster of Shit Land!" growled Clay "I told you once, and I will tell you again: NO, I fucking DON'T like to eat your fucking SHIT!"

Dojo grew huge and then defecated all over Clay.

"AW! _SHIT!_ " hollered Clay, "I JUST HAD THESE CLOTHES WASHED! YOU HOG FUCKER!"

"HA, HA, HA!" laughed Dojo, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

"YOU TWO-TIMING NO GOOD ASSHOLE!"

"Clay! Dojo! Stop!" commanded Omi, getting in between the two's argument "You mustn't fight each other!"

Clay ended up tripping over Omi and then crashed right into Raimundo's face just as he opened his eyes.

"FUCK!" screamed Raimundo seeing Clay and _only_ Clay " _NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ "

"Aw, shit!" muttered Clay.

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


End file.
